Too Much Information

I think I'm suffering from information overload. Either that or too much change all at once. With IVF coming up, I feel this rush and this pressure to make all these changes I haven't been able to make over the last several years. Things like diet and exercise and getting my head on straight.

On one hand, it's great that I'm finding the motivation finally to make some changes. I've been following this fruit and veggie fast for four days now and am doing great. I wouldn't have been able to do that a year ago. No way. I've also been religiously going to the gym three times a week to work out. I'm excited to see these changes.

On the other hand, I'm reading a lot and talking to a lot of people and finding out that I'm still so incredibly far away from where I need to be. This is the most frustrating feeling for me right now. Yes, I'm going to the gym 3 times a week, but the books I'm reading say that for PCOS, I should be working out at least 30 minutes a day, 7 days a week. Yikes! I'm doing good, but it's STILL not enough. I'm eating this fruit and veggie fast and finally getting rid of my dependency on sugars and fried foods, but when I went to acupuncture today, he gave me a lecture about that not being good for PCOS and how I need to be eating protein with every meal and it needs to be chicken or beans and how whey protein isn't good enough, etc etc.

Then, he goes into this whole speech about how I must not love myself enough to eat the right things and that's the reason food has been such a struggle for me all these years. He said that my issues probably stem from something in my childhood, blah blah blah. I just sort of fell apart. There's too much information out there and the more help I seek in trying to find the right path, the more lost I feel.

What I'm realizing more and more is that the world is full of people who THINK they know. They think they know the best diet or the right way to treat someone or something. They think they know what you've been through or why you are a certain way. They think they know a better path. But the truth is, it's only a very very few people in this world who really understand me. Who really know what I've been through or what my struggles are. Even when it comes to diet, there are a million different ideas about what is best for us as humans. I'm starting to realize that the only person who really knows what I need is me. Sure, I can pull ideas from other people and places, but the only person who understands my needs and knows exactly what I need is me.

I don't think I'm going back to that acupuncturist. He made me feel like crap all day today worrying about my diet and these changes that I was so proud of up until the moment he lectured me. I'm getting protein, just not the way he thinks I should get it. Regardless of what he thinks, fruits and veggies are so much better for me than what I was eating before I started this diet. For me, it's a good change and if he can't support me, he's not going to be part of my team right now.

I guess my struggle right now is this: In a world full of so much information, how do we know what's right for us? For where I am right now in my journey, I think what's right for me is trusting my own instincts and finding something that works. Anything that makes me feel bad or doubtful or crappy can just disappear into the background.