Sunday, October 30, 2011

Seven Weeks (and a heartbeat!!)

Hi everyone! This is going to be a big update because we got big news this weekend! The story starts out scary, just like a Halloween tale should. Friday afternoon around 5, I got up from my desk to use the bathroom and when I wiped, there was lots of red blood. My heart nearly stopped and I immediately felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm sorry if this is too graphic, but when I wiped again, there were several dark red blood clots. I was terrified. I have read many stories of that being the start of a miscarriage, and I just prayed and prayed nothing was wrong with the baby.

I called my nurse right away, but since it was after 5, I got the answering service and had to wait for them to call back. Because I said I was pregnant, the service gave my call to the OBGYN instead of the fertility clinic, so I had to explain myself again and wait for the fertility clinic nurse to call. It was torture. My husband lay there in bed with me as I cried and tried to get myself together. Finally, my favorite nurse called around 6:15 and said she wanted me to come in for an ultrasound on Saturday morning. She told me to take it easy and just stay on bedrest and that if the bleeding got worse to head to the ER. I dread going to the ER to wait, so I was determined to wait it out.

I barely slept at all on Friday night. George and I got up on Saturday morning and went straight to the clinic. They did bloodwork and then finally, after more than an hour in the waiting room, we were called in to the ultrasound room. When the doctor walked in, I felt so incredibly vulnerable. Naked, of course, from the waist down and just knowing that the next few minutes would either be full of great joy or great sadness. I held my breath as he inserted the ultrasound wand and George clutched my hand tight. "Everything looks good." When the words came out of the doctor's mouth, I began to cry tears of joy.

He turned the screen toward us and let us see our little baby for the first time. It just looked like a strange blob on the screen, but it was beautiful!! I asked if he could see a heartbeat and he said yes, then pointed out a fluttering little pulse on the screen. Wow!!! What an awesome sight! I totally fell in love in that moment and was so grateful that everything was okay. We got a cute little printout of our little Baby Bittmann and I couldn't be more excited! Now, we're scheduled for a second ultrasound for 9 weeks (November 14th). The doctor said the bleeding was just my body's way of saying I need to take it easy. He said he didn't see any reason for us to worry, which was very sweet news.

So, after that LONG update, here's my weekly update:

How Far Along: 7 weeks

Picture of Baby:

My Baby This Week: The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry. (Taken from BabyCenter)

 Weight Gain: Ugh. Another pound added on this week. I guess I am eating too much and not getting enough exercise, but I don't want to overdo it now especially that the doctor said to take it easy. I guess I'm just going to have to let the weight gain not bother me for now! Total gain is now 2 pounds.

Baby Bump: You can actually see the beginning of a baby bump! It's definitely not enough to look noticeably pregnant yet, but it's enough for me to see. I can't wait for my tummy to pop out a little more and for people to actually recognize me as being pregnant.

And yes, I know. I really need to find a cuter place to take my bump pictures, lol. Please ignore the mess on the window seat!

Sleep: Still not sleeping very well. I tried Unisom a couple of nights and slept so great, but after the bleeding, I'm scared to take or do anything. I'm sure the unisom had nothing to do with it, but why take any risks at this point? I'm trying to take several naps during the day to make up for the poor sleep at night.

Best Moment of the Week: By far seeing the heartbeat on the screen!!!

Symptoms: Same as last week. Achy, nauseated, sore breasts, peeing a lot, etc. Eating has been weird this week. It's like I'm hungry all the time, but when I eat I can never really feel satisfied. Nothing sounds good to me, not even pizza, which is saying something! I know I need to eat for the baby's health, but it's almost tedious to eat these days because I never feel good.

Food Cravings: I guess what's weirder than any cravings is the fact that the food I normally crave (ie. Pizza) is not as appetizing to me. Literally nothing sounds good. Ever. I wish I would suddenly start craving some super healthy nutritious foods like carrots and grilled chicken. :)

What I Miss: Feeling not sick.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Getting my energy back. I've heard the second trimester can be really enjoyable once the general sick feelings go away, and at this point, I'm really looking forward to that!

Weekly Wisdom: Always have faith that things are going to work out exactly the way they are supposed to. I spend too much of my life worrying over things that are out of my control.

Milestones: First ultrasound!! Seeing the baby's heartbeat and knowing we are that much closer to being out of the danger zone.

Emotions: I've been all over the place this week. Tonight, I actually cried during Practical Magic. That's really not a sad movie, but it touched me and I sobbed. What can I say? I'm a huge pile of hormones right now!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


All along, I knew October was going to be a slow production month. After all, I'd planned on this being my IVF month. I thought I would be feeling ill and bloated and scared and nervous and completely not creative. Well, the truth is that even though I'm pregnant, I'm still feeling ill and bloated and scared and nervous, lol. For some reason, when I found out I was expecting, I thought I would suddenly have all this renewed energy and be able to be creative and work hard. Boy was I wrong!

I always imagined that after such a long struggle to get pregnant, once the news finally came in, I would be so happy that none of the morning sickness or fatigue would phase me. Haha. I guess reality is often very different from what we think it's going to be. I never expected how much this constant tiredness or unyielding nausea would knock me on my ass. Yet here I am, struggling.

Don't get me wrong! I'm enormously happy, and that alone gives me energy. However, these days I'm spending my energy in a not-so-productive way. I know that what I need to be doing right now is working hard. This is one of the drawbacks of working for yourself, lol. I have complete control over how I spend my day. No one is making me work any certain hours. No one is expecting me to turn in any work. It's all up to me. And when I'm not feeling extremely well, it's hard to work up the motivation to work on a new novel.

Of course, no new novels means no new money, haha. And right now, there's so many things I want to buy! There's all the baby stuff, nursery decor, clothes, etc. Then there's new carpet for the house, which I desperately want. And even though it's nowhere near a necessity, I would love to have a new car. Something with more room. I know money isn't the most important thing in life, but it would definitely mean less stress when the baby arrives.

I happen to be in the lucky position that I can make extra money by writing more books. So why can't I write? AHHHH. Trust me, I'm trying. Unfortunately, my focus has gone all wonky. When I have time and energy, I always end up browsing baby or maternity shopping sites, reading about labor and delivery or breastfeeding, looking at different nursery options, etc. I know all that stuff is normal and that it's okay to be daydreaming and browsing these sites. However, it doesn't need to be happening at the sacrifice of my writing and career.

So how do I get back into it? How do I find my motivation again for writing when all I can think about is babies?! Hehe. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions? Or is it just a matter of time? I keep wondering if I'm just slightly paralyzed mentally until I pass this milestone of the first ultrasound. Once I see that heartbeat and know that everything is okay, will it unlock a door inside that allows me to go back to my regular life, in a way? Is any of this making sense? LOL. Mostly, I'm just rambling and thinking through this, I guess. :P. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a more productive day.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Six Weeks!!

It's still too early for much news, but I thought it would be fun to start my weekly pregnancy updates! I am going to take my cues from The Johnson Journey blog and follow a similar format as hers. Technically, I hit my new week on Saturdays, but as I am unlikely to keep up with my blog on the weekend, I'll just try to keep my weekly updates to my Monday post. So, without further ado, here goes:

How Far Along - 6 weeks.

Picture of Baby - So excited to get this, but nothing yet. I have my first u/s next Wednesday, so I'll update as soon as we have our first picture of our little one.

My Baby This Week - This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil. (Taken from BabyCenter)

Weight Gain - I have already gained a pound. I know you're not supposed to gain during your first trimester, but I think it's mostly water weight. At least that's what I'm telling myself, haha.

Baby Bump - It's not the most exciting picture of all time, but this is my pre-baby-bump picture! Please ignore the  somewhat dirty mirror and the spots on the wall where my towel rack fell, LOL. /sigh. I need to find a cuter place in my house to take my weekly pics. :P

Not much bump to report yet. Honestly, though, at this point, I feel like some days I have extra tummy and then some days I sort of deflate back to normal. Is it crazy that I'm actually anxious to start having a bump? I can't wait!!

Sleep - Ugh. I'm not getting nearly enough. I'm having the craziest, most vivid dreams! Weirdly enough, most of my dreams are about me being pregnant in High School, LOL. I have no idea why I would be dreaming about that, but last night I dreamed I was in class and thinking about how tough it would be when I started showing and everyone found out I was pregnant. How weird is that? I mean, I'm 34 for goodness sake. This surely isn't a fear of mine :P.

Other than the dreams, I also have to get up a few times in the night to go to the bathroom. I'm also tossing and turning a lot. Hopefully the sleep problems won't continue throughout the entire pregnancy. For now, I'm taking lots of mini-naps to make up for lack of sleep at night.

Best Moment of the Week - George high-fiving my baby bump. OMG, that was the cutest thing ever.

Symptoms - Nausea, nausea, nausea. It's pretty much nonstop 24/7. Sometimes eating a good high-protein meal can keep the ickiness at bay for a couple of hours, but nothing else seems to work. I've tried Sea Bands, Gingerale, Ginger tea, Ginger gum, Preggie Pops, everything I can think of. Nothing helps for too long, but I'm hanging in there. At least I haven't been throwing up! Just nauseated all the time. It definitely makes working a lot harder. I simply can't focus. Still, the nausea makes me happy in a weird way, because it gives me a good feeling that the baby is healthy and growing in there! Other symptoms so far are sore breasts, vivid dreams, and having to pee a lot :P. I'm also thirsty all the time.

Food Cravings - It's not exactly a craving per se. BUT, never in my entire life have I been a hamburger eater. I pretty much hate them. But in my quest for more protein to try to help with the nausea, I got two cheeseburgers at McDonald's the other day. I know, I know, I should really be eating a lot healthier than McDonald's fast food right now, but I'm telling the truth when I say that I felt better after those two cheeseburgers than I have the rest of the entire week. I had about 3 gloriously nausea-free hours afterward.

What I Miss - Nothing except not feeling nauseated all the time, hehe.

What I'm Looking Forward To - My first ultrasound next week. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time!! I can't wait to hear that little heartbeat!!!!

Weekly Wisdom - Patience is a virtue, lol. I always thought the 2ww was torture, but now I know that the waiting is just as hard after you get a BFP.

Milestones - Morning Sickness, haha. Not the most glamorous milestone, but still, it's like a badge of honor, right?

Emotions - Definitely on a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm extremely happy to be pregnant, but also terrified of something going wrong at the ultrasound. I also cry at the drop of hat, hehe. All part of the package I suppose!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Shopping and Waiting

It's possible I am a slight shopaholic. I love to shop for new clothes, decorations for the house, books, anything. Needless to say, I'm so ready to start shopping for baby!! I can't tell you how many hours I've already spent browsing amazon and babies r us and pottery barn kids, haha. Still, it's just simply to early to start a registry or go out and buy anything substantial.

I'm optimistically hopeful that we'll see a strong heartbeat at the ultrasound in two weeks. I'm definitely looking forward to knowing for sure that everything is alright and our baby is growing strong and healthy inside. Tomorrow, I'll be six weeks pregnant so the little heart should definitely be beating already!

I spend a lot of time daydreaming. Is it a boy or a girl? What will it be like to have a sweet little baby in my arms? Will he/she look like me or like George? How should I decorate the nursery? Should we buy a bigger car? It's fun to day dream, and it leads to much happier thoughts than when I start to worry about whether everything is okay or not.

Yesterday, I went in to Toys R Us to get a gift card for a friend's little boy and literally spent an hour browsing on the Babies R Us side of the store. They have so many pretty cribs and cute bedding. I stared at all the little blankets and pacifiers. I even smiled at the bottles, lol. I was like a kid in a candy store. I can't wait to start buying all those things and getting the house ready for a little one.

I think once the ultrasound is here and we see a heartbeat, I will feel a little more comfortable starting to pick things out. Please, oh please let everything be okay in there! I've definitely got the symptoms to prove it, ha! Nausea 24/7, ick. But I'll gladly take it if it's just part of growing a healthy baby. Just 12 more days until we get to see our little bean. I can't wait!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Lately, I have been feeling so incredibly grateful. It is truly a miracle that I am pregnant right now without having to go through our planned IVF cycle. It's honestly been hard to wrap my mind around this whole thing. I spent months preparing for IVF, reading every book and website I could get my hands on, asking a million questions, and doing my best to mentally become prepared for the rollercoaster of daily shots and everything that goes along with it. But then, to find out two days before shots were to begin that I am pregnant? It was like having my entire world flipped upside down, but in the most beautiful way imaginable.

In some ways, however, it's difficult to really believe this is real. I am so scared to really settle into it, you know? It was given to me at a time when I least expected it, and I guess there's a part of me that is scared that it can be taken away just as quickly.

I'm not saying that I'm not grateful or extremely happy. I am!! Believe me!! It's just still seeming so very surreal, you know? And I also have been questioning why something like this happens? Why would I get pregnant right before IVF when so many other women struggle through several rounds with nothing but heartache? Why can't every woman who wants to get pregnant get pregnant? It just doesn't seem fair and the whole process of TTC is such a whirlwind.

Of course, some of my friends actually said to me, "See? All you needed to do was relax and now you're pregnant! You probably just knew IVF was coming up and were relaxed knowing everything was going to be okay." Ha! I just smiled and nodded, but honestly? Anyone who has read my blog or knows what I've been going through over the past couple of months knows that I was anything but relaxed. I don't feel that it had anything to do with how relaxed I was or any of that. I think it had more to do with the fact that this was just my journey. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and everything has fallen into place. I have no idea why, but I do know that I am extremely blessed.

Still, I sometimes read through the blogs of friends who are still going through their IVF journey and I almost feel guilty. I know that sounds crazy, in some ways. But it's just me being honest. I feel guilty when I read about someone else's heartaches. Why? I ask this question all the time. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What can I do to make sure I don't lose it? I know these are all questions that have no answers, but it doesn't keep my brain from spinning.

My prayer that goes up right now is for all women who want to be pregnant and want to be mothers will be blessed with a healthy pregnancy. Sooner rather than later.

Monday, October 17, 2011

First Ultrasound Decision

Thank you so much to everyone who weighed in about my question on when to schedule my first ultrasound. It means so much to me to hear everyone's side and be able to make a good decision. Sorry I haven't updated much lately. I've been trying to get back in the habit of writing again. I had originally planned for this month to be all about relaxing and staying low-stress and dealing with the IVF process in the best way I could without adding pressure as far as my career goes. With the amazing news of getting pregnant, I have also realized just how much needs to get done before baby. Most of which takes money. Which brings me back to my writing, haha.

But I do want to keep up with my blog, so here I am, and I'll be better about not skipping days this week. Plus, I wanted to give an update on my decision since so many people were awesome enough to leave suggestions and advice about the ultrasound.

At first, I called and scheduled it for October 26th. I would be 6w4d pregnant at that point. However, after reading your comments and agreeing that it would probably drive me even more crazy to go in and NOT have a definitive answer about the baby's heartbeat, I decided to call and have the u/s pushed back one week. Now, I'll be going in November 2nd, which is 7w4d into my pregnancy. I feel like it's a perfect compromise. Only a few days away from the 8 week mark that my doctor suggested, but still late enough that we should definitely be able to see a heartbeat and know that everything is okay.

This puts me 2 weeks and 2 days away from the ultrasound!! So it's back to another 2 week wait for me, hehe. In the meantime, I am trying to stay positive and know that everything is okay in there. Everything is unfolding exactly the way it's supposed to, for better or worse. And I am going to trust that journey.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Bathroom Organization Project

Now that I am expecting, I am starting to look around the house and realize how much needs to get done! I would love to say that I am one of these future mommies who keeps an immaculate 3000 square foot house with lots of storage and great organization and decoration. Unfortunately, we live in a townhouse that is only 1500 square feet and needs some serious work. Plus, dare I say it? I suck at housekeeping. I forget to dust. I don't vacuum nearly as often as I should. Closets start out somewhat organized or spare and then as I buy more and more things, they become disgustingly cluttered and disorganized. It's embarrassing, really. It's also not the kind of thing a woman is supposed to admit, but I have to be honest about where I am to understand where I want to go.

Trust me when I say I've been working on making a lot of improvements to myself in the past several years. Weight loss. Eating right. Exercise. A new career. Getting rid of negative self-talk. Fixing up the house has sort of taken a back seat. Also, we'd been living on my husband's income for several years so there hasn't been a ton of money to put into things like new carpet or fresh paint or storage systems. But now that there's a baby coming, I know we've got to start getting things organized around here. Thank goodness, I have a good career of my own now, but we'll still be on a budget for a while.

First and foremost, we're going to need the space! And better organization and cleanliness means more space all over the house. I decided there's no better time to start than the present. My first project? My bathroom. We have two bathrooms in our house, one in the master bedroom and one in the hallway that has general access. Since we had two, George took the master bathroom (that only has a shower) and I took the hall bath with the tub. Now, looks like I'll be sharing the hall bath with a baby and a someday, a toddler!

Okay, I'm going to share some pictures of my closet and under the sink. It's totally embarrassing because it's just so incredibly messy (easy to just close the door and forget the mess, lol), so please don't judge me! It's awful, I know! Thankfully, I have before and after pictures, and the after is so much better.

Bathroom closet before:

And after:

 I got rid of one huge bag of trash. Mostly, it was full of old hair products and lotions that I haven't used in months. I lined the shelves with removable decorative shelf paper. I re-purposed some CD bins I had in my office that weren't being used anymore and the only items I bought were the stackable sets of white bins at the bottom of the closet. Being on a budget, I was happy to find them in sets of 3 for less than $5 a set at Walmart. Each bin has a theme. Cleaning supplies. Bandages. Extra cotton balls. etc. Hopefully now that everything has its own place, it will be easier to keep clean.

Here is the before and after of the space under my sink. Terrible, I know! I've gotten in the habit of just throwing stuff down there. Yuck!

But look at it now!

I put lined the bottom and the back with the decorative shelf paper. All of my curling brushes and curling irons and straightening iron are all stored in the larger pink container. The white baskets in the center are for my makeup (which is usually strewn all over the counter). I put the makeup I only rarely use but wanted to keep in the bottom bin, and the one on top is full of the makeup and the brushes I use everyday. The basket on the right side is full of odds and ends.  Oh, and by the way, I threw out another large bag of trash from all the shampoos and such under the counter and old makeup I never used anymore. Ouch! It's awful to think about all the things I had just in this one room that I didn't use or need.

And I didn't just work on the closets and sink. I also put up a fresh new shower curtain and liner, new bathmats and cleaned the top of the sink and toilet. I don't like the color of the bathmats, though, so I want to exchange them before I take an overall picture of the bathroom.  

Honestly, I had really been hoping we could afford to buy a brand new house before a baby came, but it just isn't in the cards for us. The townhouse we live in now is one George bought a few years before we met. Since I didn't have any choice in picking it out, I'm not terribly attached to it. Okay, in some ways, I hate it, lol. But it's our home and I want to make it the nicest possible place it can be for our sweet new baby next June. There's a lot of work to do, but I'm going to do my best to take it one small project at a time. However, I have a feeling nine months is not really as long as it sounds!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Third Beta! And a Question...

I just got the results of my third beta. 519!!! So it more than doubled again and I can breathe easy for a little while, thank goodness. But I have a dilemma about the first ultrasound.

The nurse said I should schedule it for the week of November 6th. Ugh. SHe said they typically like to do the u/s one full month after the positive test. That would make me 8 weeks pregnant already. She said they do it because that way there's no chance you won't see the heart beating and the baby growing if everything is okay. I, of course, am not super happy with this timing. That's almost a month to wait!!

I expressed my unhappiness and she said I could schedule it for sooner, but that we might not be able to see a heartbeat and Dr. Toma would probably want me to come in again before 10 weeks just to make sure everything is okay. So what do you ladies think I should do? I actually called the nurse and scheduled an appointment for October 26th, which is only about 2 weeks away. I would be 6weeks, 4 days pregnant. I mean, almost everything I've read says that most people can see a heartbeat by then

George thinks I should do what the clinic recommends because he is scared that if we go in early and don't see a heartbeat, it will be catastrophic for me and I'll freak out. My worry is that what if there's just a sac and there's not really a baby growing in there? I don't want to happily think I'm pregnant and all is well for the next four weeks when I could have found out in 2. /sigh. Am I overthinking this?

I'm debating whether to call and reschedule back to a later week or just go in for the 6 week one and risk not seeing a heartbeat by then? But they would at least be able to tell if there's a tiny fetus that's growing on schedule, right? I guess mentally and emotionally, I would rather know something is wrong earlier rather than later. Any advice?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Second Beta

Oops, I forgot to update with my second beta results on Saturday! They were great. I went up from 70 to 203!! I feel really good about that so far. I go in for a third beta tomorrow and am praying for a really nice number above 406.

My progesterone, which started at 12.6, was up to 23.7, so the prometrium is doing its job. The cramping has stopped almost completely, which is good. But then I'm not feeling as pregnant as I was before because of it, which starts to worry me too. I guess I'm going to be concerned either way, haha. I think I will be much calmer if my hCG has gone up the way it should. Still, I don't think I'll begin to relax until I see the little peanut on the screen and hopefully see a heartbeat.

Thank you everyone for all the good wishes!

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Most AMAZING News!!!!!

As all of you know, I was scheduled to begin IVF tomorrow. We just found out officially yesterday that there is no need for IVF, because I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!

I am absolutely over the moon excited. I can't even describe to you how I am feeling right now. Grateful. Shocked. Scared. Happy beyond words.

Let me tell you what happened.(I blogged it before, but I'm repeating because I'm exciting!) Two weeks ago, my doctor wanted me to come in so he could check whether I was ovulating on my own or not. If not, he was going to give me 2 weeks of birth control pills before my IVF cycle. If I was, they were just going to let me ovulate and wait for AF to come naturally. I was supposed to go in Monday the 26th for an ultrasound and blood draw. I got a positive OPK on the 22nd and called my nurse, asking if I could come on Friday instead. I just had a feeling I was O'ing a little early and wanted to check to make sure we got the timing right.

When I went in on Friday, the 23rd, they found a large 22mm follie on my left side! I was amazed! Before when they were checking me, I never had a follicle on my own like that. Even with Clomid, we never had such a large, healthy looking follicle. The nurse called me back that afternoon and said that even though my follicle looked good, I didn't have hardly any progesterone in my system. Basically, I had the mature egg, but my body was actually ready to ovulate it. She asked me to come back in and they gave me a trigger shot.

We had some seriously fun and exciting BD'ing that weekend, haha. Still, I wasn't expecting a pregnancy! This weekend as we drove to Hilton Head to see my family, it was raining. I looked over and saw this beautiful rainbow and I just felt in my heart that it was there for me. I felt that God was telling me to stop worrying, that everything was going to be okay. We had the most amazing weekend with my family. Then on Sunday, George woke up and said he'd had this very vivid dream about us having identical twin boys. He told me I should take a pregnancy test when we got home.

Let me tell you, at this point, I had completely forgotten about the trigger shot. It's been since Feb. that I last had one, so I didn't think about it at all. So imagine my surprise when I got a BFP on my pregnancy test that night. I was only 8 DPO and 9 days past trigger. We were exciting and believing I could really be pregnant. Then, I remembered the trigger shot and my heart just fell. Crap! Not a real BFP but a stupid false + from the trigger. Poop.

But George was convinced I was really pregnant. I went out and bought more tests, lol. 9DPO there was still a line, but it looked lighter. I was pretty sure it was trigger leaving my system, but there was a part of me thinking, wow. 10 days after the trigger and it's still showing up? Before, when I tested out my trigger, it was always a stark white BFN by 8 days later, so I had some hope, but was just not sure. I tested again the next morning. Still positive! Hope crept in even more, but I was so scared to really believe! Another darker BFP 11 DPO (12 days past trigger) and I was starting to believe. BUT there was so much doubt. I didn't want to believe it and then have it turn out it was just that stupid trigger staying in my system!

I called my nurse and asked her if it could be the trigger and she said yes. Ugh. Not helping! LOL. She said to come in as planned on Thursday, 12DPO and 13 days past trigger, to get a blood test to verify for sure. If not pregnant, we would have the pharmacy ship my IVF meds.

So, I went in very nervously yesterday morning for the blood draw. Then I waited all day with knots in my stomach. She finally called me yesterday around 1:45 PM. Positive beta at 70!! She said they normally will look for anything 50 or above at 14 days past trigger, and since I was already 70 at 13 days past, they felt that was high and perfect! My progesterone was only 12.6., which she said is a touch low, so they prescribed prometrium as a vaginal insert to help with progesterone.

The news hit my heart like a firework. Like a blossoming bomb of joy. I can't even tell you what it felt like to hear those words. "You're Pregnant!" WHAT?? ME?? No way!!!!! I just can't believe it!! My EDD is June 16th!!! It's one of the greatest joys of my life, and I can't believe after all these months of preparing for IVF, I actually got pregnant without it! It's a miracle!

I honestly feel in the deepest part of my heart that it's all the changes I've made recently that allowed this to happen. Acupuncture, Organic foods, Low glycemic Index, lots of exercise, losing more than 5% body fat. For PCOS, I think this shows that diet and exercise really can make a difference. Nothing is guaranteed, and of course I stll wouldn't have ovulated on my own if it hadn't been for the trigger, but I feel really excited and so incredibly grateful everything worked out the way it did. I can't believe that instead of going in for a baseline u/s and my first stims tomorrow, I'll be going in for a second beta!! I pray with all my heart that the number has doubled by tomorrow morning.

I've been having some definitely cramping. Feels like AF cramps, to be honest, but no bleeding, thank God. My nurse said it's from the low progesterone and the inserts should help. So far, today, not much cramping so hopefully the progesterone is doing its job. Please, dear God, let this baby stick and be healthy!!! I'll update again tomorrow with my new beta numbers!!!!

Can you believe it?? I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Trigger Shot Question - HELP!

Hi friends, I have a question for all of you who have had trigger shots in the past. How long has the trigger stayed in your system? The first few times I was given a 10,000 iu trigger shot, I used internet cheapies in order to test out the trigger. I started the day after the trigger shot and tested each day until the line disappeared. Each time, I had a negative test by 8 days after the trigger shot. Still, I've read that on average, the rule of thumb is that about 1000 units leave your body per day, so a 10,000 unit shot would take about 10 days to leave your system.

So just out of curiosity, I was wondering if any of you have ever tested out your trigger shots? Have you ever had a false positive as late as 12 days past your trigger shot? I've read on some forums that some women still have enough trigger in their system as late as 13 days past trigger or longer, but I'm wondering how likely that is. I'm not ready to explain exactly why I'm asking, but I would really appreciate any feedback on this!

Monday, October 3, 2011

My Sweet Mother

I had such an amazing weekend in Hilton Head. It was exactly what I needed! George and I got there late on Friday evening. My parents had already been there for a few hours and we all sat up until after one in the morning talking! (And my parents aren't usually up past ten-thirty, hehe.) The rest of the weekend was so incredibly relaxing. We walked on the beach. Walked to the top of the lighthouse. Went shopping (omg, I bought the most amazing purple leather jacket!). Then had dinner outside on the patio of a great seafood restaurant on the water. Great company. Amazing conversations. I felt so loved and supported, full of positive energy and hope.

I'm pretty sure my Mom is just about the sweetest person on the planet, also. She brought me three things for my IVF shots table and survival kit.

First, a pink baby blanket her grandmother made for me when I was a baby. I slept with it and snuggled in it when I was tiny. It's beautiful and perfect! And did I mention pink? Hehe. Maybe it will be good luck and bring us twin girls, lol. Of course I will be more than thrilled with a boy or a girl, but I have always wanted a little girl, so we'll see! My husband had this crazy-vivid dream the other night that we had twin boys, though, and he's often very intuitive! I would be happy with twin boys!

Second, she brought my cabbage patch kid from when I was a little girl! I used to carry this doll around everywhere, haha. Mom went up into the attic to find it. She's still wearing a dress my own grandmother made for her. And she still has lipstick smeared all over her face, lol. I remember putting that on her.

And finally, she brought me this small round box. Inside, it is filled with small wrapped presents. One for each day of shots. How sweet is that? I wasn't expecting it, but I know it will put a huge smile on my face during the tough times. I was so incredibly touched by the gifts she brought. I don't even know what's in the box, but it's not even so much what's in the wrapped gifts as the thought she put into it and the time she spent putting it all together. It means the world to me and lets me know I have all the support in the world.

I can't believe I'm only 5 days away from starting shots! I will go in early on Thursday morning for a blood test to make sure I'm not pregnant. It's really just a formality to make sure I don't have my meds delivered and paid for, then realize I don't need IVF! In the back of my mind, I know it's a possibility, but at the same time, I know it's a super slim chance and probably not worth really thinking about. I'm full speed ahead with IVF and fully intending to start meds this weekend.

I really hope and pray that AF comes on time and doesn't mess with me by coming late. I'm so ready to get started. Have I said that already? Haha. It's so true. I feel so good right now. I feel positive and very hopeful. I know the craziness will probably come soon and the roller coaster of emotions will take me from high to low on a daily basis, but I'm hoping for a big high at the end of this to make it all worth it.