Monday, March 14, 2011

Another Failed Cycle

I haven't been very good about posting this cycle. Last time I wrote, I was feeling committed to having a healthier cycle. I wanted to eat right and work out, but it didn't exactly go like that. I did make some good changes. I took my pills. I changed my prenatal vitamins to New Chapter Organics, which were more expensive, but are supposed to be the best. I also knocked caffeine and soda out of my diet and tried to be a bit healthier with my food choices.

Then I went home to Georgia after the IUI. It's always so hard to eat right when I'm home with my family. There was so much food! I was proud of myself for not smoking, though, which is a bad habit when I go home usually. At least I've cut that out of my life. I'm trying to give myself credit for the things I've done right and the changes I've made. Unfortunately, I haven't made as many changes as I wanted to by now.

Technically, I am only 11DPO right now, so there's still a chance a test wouldn't be accurate right now. On the other hand, the test I took this morning was a First Response Early Results test, which is supposed to be nearly 100% accurate up to 4 days before your missed period. When it came out negative this morning, I was so disappointed. I really hoped to be pregnant this cycle. It's so hard to be going through all these fertility treatments and going through the hope and excitement only to be disappointed. I want a baby so badly.

In the grand scheme of things, though, I know we haven't been trying too long. Some healthy couples try for more than a year with no luck. We've only been through four rounds of Clomid. I'm trying not to get too upset about it. There's still plenty of time.

Our next plan for treatment is IVF. The doctor said we could start the process right away, but we are going to wait until August. I want to make sure I can be as stress-free during the IVF process as possible. It's such an intensive process between almost daily doctor appointments, injections of hormones, and emotional investment, I know I am going to need to be able to concentrate on it instead of deadlines with my writing. We've decided to wait until August because by then I'll have the final two books of my series published and I won't have any deadlines. I can just relax, take some vacation time, and concentrate on making my body the perfect place for a baby to snuggle in.

I am trying to do my best to look at the next four months as a chance to get healthy. A chance to be the person I want to be before a baby comes. I want to get in shape, work out, and start to eat better. I need to get my sugars under control and lose about 30 pounds. That would put me at my ideal fertility weight of about 155. I know that the healthier I am when I get the IVF, the better chance I'll have to have a successful pregnancy. I want to look at this as a new start and a chance to make a better life for myself and my baby.