Thursday, September 29, 2011

Hope and Fear

I keep going back and forth between these two primary emotions. Hope and Fear. Right now, as the cycle approaches, I'm feeling more hope than anything else. Excitement, too. There's very little fear, which is a little bit strange. I have been feeling so much fear for months. Lots of anxiety about how this will all turn out. But suddenly, there's a peacefulness coming over me. I feel ready and calm.

How long do you think it will last? Haha. I'm hoping I can hold on to this sense of calm at least through the weekend. Once shots begin next weekend, I have a feeling the fear will come back in full force. The monitoring appointments are going to be tough. It's the not knowing. It's the fact that every time you go in to the doctor, something could have gone wrong and everything you hoped for could disappear. A cycle could be canceled at any moment. You just never know.

I'm wondering if there's any way I can hold on to this peacefulness throughout the cycle. I'm going to try my best. I can't believe how fast time is moving now. I'm down to only 9 days left. I hope AF shows on time and doesn't torture me with being late.


  1. These are completely normal feelings! I go from calmness to panic within an hour all the time :) Here are a few things that have helped me:
    Circle + Bloom
    Going for long walks
    Journaling (outside of my blog..lets me write things that may be more personal)
    Naps (haha)

    Good luck!

  2. I've had a few of these days.. Before we started I was terrified it would all be for naught. I had a few days of tears... I think it's totally normal!

    Once we got started on the stims, I had something to focus on, giving myself the injections helps me feel like I am doing something to make it work! I still have a few doubtful moments, but for now I am full of hope :D

  3. Stay on the positive side and keep any fears at bay. Rooting for you! Soooo clooose!!!