Monday, July 18, 2011

Las Vegas, a New Blog Design, and a Focus Shift

George and I are home from Las Vegas! We had the most amazing 9 days in the city. For us, this was both a celebration (his birthday) and a time for relaxation before we start our journey toward IVF. We both really needed an amazing week to let go of all the stress of the past year of failed fertility assistance. We needed some time to reconnect and just enjoy being together. It's my hope that our Vegas trip will also end up being our last vacation before we're pregnant! Here's a picture we took. Don't we just look so happy?

(Note: Yes, I do have blue hair, lol. My Dr. at NCCRM says no more hair dye once we get started, so I'll have to go back to plain brown soon, but for now, it's still blue and expressive, hehe.)

While I was away, I was also working with Faith of A Design of Faith to do a complete redesign of my blog, and I couldn't be happier with the results!! Thank you so much, Faith. You did an amazing job and I am so incredibly grateful. This was something I really wanted to do for myself so that I can have a beautiful place online to share my feelings throughout this roller coaster ride of TTC. As of today, I am going to make a pledge to blog every day. I think it will definitely be therapeutic for me to be open about my feelings. IVF is feeling so real right now even though it's been pushed back a few times. We're really at the beginning stages right now, so this is the perfect time to rededicate myself to my own blog and opening myself up to what's about to happen in our lives.

Now that our vacation is over, I feel a major focus shift deep inside. I've been wanting to have a baby for so long, but there have always been obstacles in my way. Now that my life is finally in a good place and I have finally found the most amazing man to raise a family with, we're having trouble getting pregnant. With the PCOS, I always knew this was a possibility. Still, there was a part of me deep down that hoped when the time was right, I wouldn't have trouble getting pregnant. It's heartbreaking to see that all those fears are coming true. I always thought IVF was a last-chance scenario, so to find ourselves in a place where it's the next step has been really hard to swallow.

When we first talked to our doctor about IVF this past Spring, I kept thinking we might still get pregnant in the meantime and not even need it. Month after month has gone by with no BFP. My chart is showing that I'm ovulating, so what's the problem? It's just heartbreaking and so frustrating. I feel like now I have to just let it go of all those fears and frustrations and just know that this is our path. IVF is going to be our miracle. I'll write more about our upcoming timeline tomorrow, but for now, I'm just focusing on getting healthy, working out to try to lose a little bit of weight before we begin meds and doing my best to relieve any stress. This is our time, and I'm going to embrace it and do everything I can to contribute to a successful first (and only! I hope!) round of IVF.

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