Thursday, January 13, 2011

The 2WW Sucks

The time between ovulation and AF (or BFP!) is the hardest part for me. The dreaded 2WW. Right now, I am 9 days past trigger shot, and 7 or 8 DPO. (Fertility friend says I ovulated Thursday, but I think it might really have been Wednesday. We'll see!) That means I still have another week until AF is expected. A full week before I can reasonably take a pregnancy test and hope for a BFP. And I can tell you right now that it's going to feel like a lot more than a week! These two weeks seriously just drag on and on! It's torture!

What seems so ironic is that there are lots of women (and girls) who freak out when they find out they are pregnant. For some women, it seems like the end of the world. It's inconvenient. And for some, it's devastating. On the flip side, then there are women like me who want it so badly. We try and try for months, go through all kinds of doctor's appointments and tests and take pills that make us feel like crap - and still nothing. It definitely isn't fair. But life isn't fair. That's just the way it is.

All I can hope is that someday soon, I will experience the joy of seeing the double pink lines on a pregnancy test. I can't wait to see my belly grow and to feel a little one stirring inside of me. I can't wait to hold that precious baby in my arms. When it finally comes, I know it will seem like this whole time of waiting and trying just flew by. It will seem like this was nothing compared to the joy of having that sweet baby.

I need to spend my 2ww thinking about the happy things in life. The things I am most grateful for. Like my amazing husband. I'm so lucky to have such a supportive man who will be such a great father and partner through the whole parenting process. I'm so grateful he wants to try to to make a baby and that he's willing to go with me to every doctor's appointment and hold my hand. I'm so grateful that we own our own home and that we have plenty of room for a baby here. I'm also extremely lucky in that I can spend my days doing the one thing I love most - writing. My life is truly headed to the place where I have always dreamed I could be. And I'm enjoying the journey there.

I need to stop worrying about the fact that we don't have a huge 3000 sq ft. house with a two car garage and a white picket fence. I need to stop caring about the fact that I wasted so many years on the wrong guy or the wrong career. That's all in the past. This is the time to take a look around at today. At the life I have right now. At the future, which is brighter than I ever dreamed it could be. Yes, the 2ww is tough, but look at the reward! It's totally worth it! When I feel down, I hope I can remember to tell myself to take a deep breath and enjoy the process. Enjoy the time getting to know my own body. This is a time when I can take control of my health in a way I never have before. I've already lost nearly 20 pounds! The journey may last a little longer than I hoped, but I have to trust that someday, it will all be worth it.

No comments:

Post a Comment