The Most AMAZING News!!!!!

As all of you know, I was scheduled to begin IVF tomorrow. We just found out officially yesterday that there is no need for IVF, because I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!

I am absolutely over the moon excited. I can't even describe to you how I am feeling right now. Grateful. Shocked. Scared. Happy beyond words.

Let me tell you what happened.(I blogged it before, but I'm repeating because I'm exciting!) Two weeks ago, my doctor wanted me to come in so he could check whether I was ovulating on my own or not. If not, he was going to give me 2 weeks of birth control pills before my IVF cycle. If I was, they were just going to let me ovulate and wait for AF to come naturally. I was supposed to go in Monday the 26th for an ultrasound and blood draw. I got a positive OPK on the 22nd and called my nurse, asking if I could come on Friday instead. I just had a feeling I was O'ing a little early and wanted to check to make sure we got the timing right.

When I went in on Friday, the 23rd, they found a large 22mm follie on my left side! I was amazed! Before when they were checking me, I never had a follicle on my own like that. Even with Clomid, we never had such a large, healthy looking follicle. The nurse called me back that afternoon and said that even though my follicle looked good, I didn't have hardly any progesterone in my system. Basically, I had the mature egg, but my body was actually ready to ovulate it. She asked me to come back in and they gave me a trigger shot.

We had some seriously fun and exciting BD'ing that weekend, haha. Still, I wasn't expecting a pregnancy! This weekend as we drove to Hilton Head to see my family, it was raining. I looked over and saw this beautiful rainbow and I just felt in my heart that it was there for me. I felt that God was telling me to stop worrying, that everything was going to be okay. We had the most amazing weekend with my family. Then on Sunday, George woke up and said he'd had this very vivid dream about us having identical twin boys. He told me I should take a pregnancy test when we got home.

Let me tell you, at this point, I had completely forgotten about the trigger shot. It's been since Feb. that I last had one, so I didn't think about it at all. So imagine my surprise when I got a BFP on my pregnancy test that night. I was only 8 DPO and 9 days past trigger. We were exciting and believing I could really be pregnant. Then, I remembered the trigger shot and my heart just fell. Crap! Not a real BFP but a stupid false + from the trigger. Poop.

But George was convinced I was really pregnant. I went out and bought more tests, lol. 9DPO there was still a line, but it looked lighter. I was pretty sure it was trigger leaving my system, but there was a part of me thinking, wow. 10 days after the trigger and it's still showing up? Before, when I tested out my trigger, it was always a stark white BFN by 8 days later, so I had some hope, but was just not sure. I tested again the next morning. Still positive! Hope crept in even more, but I was so scared to really believe! Another darker BFP 11 DPO (12 days past trigger) and I was starting to believe. BUT there was so much doubt. I didn't want to believe it and then have it turn out it was just that stupid trigger staying in my system!

I called my nurse and asked her if it could be the trigger and she said yes. Ugh. Not helping! LOL. She said to come in as planned on Thursday, 12DPO and 13 days past trigger, to get a blood test to verify for sure. If not pregnant, we would have the pharmacy ship my IVF meds.

So, I went in very nervously yesterday morning for the blood draw. Then I waited all day with knots in my stomach. She finally called me yesterday around 1:45 PM. Positive beta at 70!! She said they normally will look for anything 50 or above at 14 days past trigger, and since I was already 70 at 13 days past, they felt that was high and perfect! My progesterone was only 12.6., which she said is a touch low, so they prescribed prometrium as a vaginal insert to help with progesterone.

The news hit my heart like a firework. Like a blossoming bomb of joy. I can't even tell you what it felt like to hear those words. "You're Pregnant!" WHAT?? ME?? No way!!!!! I just can't believe it!! My EDD is June 16th!!! It's one of the greatest joys of my life, and I can't believe after all these months of preparing for IVF, I actually got pregnant without it! It's a miracle!

I honestly feel in the deepest part of my heart that it's all the changes I've made recently that allowed this to happen. Acupuncture, Organic foods, Low glycemic Index, lots of exercise, losing more than 5% body fat. For PCOS, I think this shows that diet and exercise really can make a difference. Nothing is guaranteed, and of course I stll wouldn't have ovulated on my own if it hadn't been for the trigger, but I feel really excited and so incredibly grateful everything worked out the way it did. I can't believe that instead of going in for a baseline u/s and my first stims tomorrow, I'll be going in for a second beta!! I pray with all my heart that the number has doubled by tomorrow morning.

I've been having some definitely cramping. Feels like AF cramps, to be honest, but no bleeding, thank God. My nurse said it's from the low progesterone and the inserts should help. So far, today, not much cramping so hopefully the progesterone is doing its job. Please, dear God, let this baby stick and be healthy!!! I'll update again tomorrow with my new beta numbers!!!!

Can you believe it?? I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

CD20 Ultrasound and Progesterone Bloodwork

A few weeks ago, George and I went in to our clinic for our education class. When the nurse gave me my protocol, she mentioned birth control pills. I know they don't typically prescribe bcp, so I asked about it. She said Dr. T was thinking I don't have a true natural ovulation and therefore do not truly shed my lining with each period. In order to get a good start to the IVF cycle, he wanted me on 14 days of bcp to stimulate a good AF.

Instead of just sitting back and letting them tell me things I didn't feel were true, I actually spoke up (which is a big deal for me in a situation like this.) I told the nurse that I thought I was actually ovulating on my own. I asked her if it would make a difference one way or the other and she said she needed to ask Dr. T. When the verdict came back, she said that yes, it would make a difference. If I'm ovulating on my own, the bcp would be a bad idea as it would mess with my natural cycle. So, in compromise, we decided to do a u/s and progesterone check near the time I thought I was ovulating to see if it looked like I was going to ovulate on my own.

Today is CD20. I got a near-positive OPK yesterday and the day before along with some twinges on my left side. I also have EWCM (egg-white cervical mucus), so I was pretty sure I knew what we were going to see today, but I still had my doubts. I kept thinking, what if I haven't even been ovulating the past six months like I thought I was?

I still have to wait for the results of the progesterone test, but there was no doubt what was going on with my ovaries! My right side was quiet, but on my left side, I had a big 22mm follicle. Definitely looks like I'm ovulating on my own! This is such good news for me, because a year ago when they did this, there was absolutely no activity. That's why I went on Clomid in the first place. Now, because of the lifestyle changes I've made with diet and exercise, along with the metformin and vitamins, I'm actually ovulating on my own. I looked at that big follie and thought, "Wow, I did that! I made that happen." It was pretty exciting to see.

Unfortunately, ovulation has not equated to pregnancy. I'm not sure of the reasons behind that. Maybe the outer shell of the egg is too hard, which often happens with PCOS, and the sperm just can't get in there. If that's the issue, the embryologist will bypass that step with ICSI (where they actually inject the sperm into the egg with a tiny needle). I pray it's not an implantation issue or a problem with the overall quality of my eggs. We'll know more once the embryologist gets hold of them next month.

Anyway, I'm going to have to wait until this afternoon to know officially, but I am pretty sure this means no birth control pills for me, which makes me a happy girl. I should be on track for AF to arrive around October 7th, which means my baseline u/s, blood draw and stims will all be starting CD2, October 8th! That's only 15 days away! I'll update later with official word, but it looks like a natural cycle for me this cycle, and I honestly couldn't be happier. It just goes to show that with PCOS, sometimes changing diet and adding exercise really can make a difference. All this hard work has not been in vain.

*UPDATE* - Seems I spoke a little too soon. Carla called me around 2:30 to say that my progesterone levels were nearly 0. Basically, what that means is that even though I have a mature egg that is ready to pop out, my hormones are not giving it the go-ahead. When that happens, the egg ages and deteriorates and in the end, if it does come out, it's not good anymore and my lining doesn't totally shed with AF. BCP would be bad because since I already have a big follie, the bcp wouldn't get rid of it and it would still be there in 2 weeks and I wouldn't be able to start stims, so it's definitely good I went in to have this all checked.


Still, this explains why I'm not getting pregnant naturally. In order to solve the issue, I went back in this afternoon and got an HCG trigger shot. Basically, that forces the egg to ovulate. I don't want to get my hopes up and think that maybe we could end up pregnant on our own, but it is a possibility. They want me to come in for a blood test in about 12 days to make sure I'm not pregnant before I order my meds for IVF! I should still be right on track for AF to arrive on October 7th and stims to begin on the 8th, but man, wouldn't that be amazing if I got pregnant? I know, I know, stop dreaming, right? Haha.

Zumba!

Part of my plan to get ready for IVF and be the best I can be is to work on my fitness. This has been a sore subject with me for a very long time. I was active as a child growing up in Georgia. I loved to jump on the trampoline, ride my bike, play out in the woods, and take long walks. But when it comes to anything sports-related, I'm just not at my best. As I got older, my fitness level flatlined. I tried going to the gym a few times in college. I played some racquetball, but for the most part, I just hated working out. I felt so self-conscious, like everyone was looking at me and thinking I didn't belong there.

I joined Jazzercise a few years ago and spent about six months working out there. I loved it. I really enjoyed the dancing, but I didn't see much weight loss, and it was pretty much always the same work out. Plus, the group I was going to felt like they already had a little clique of friends and again, I just didn't feel 100% comfortable. With a few months to go before IVF, I know it's my time now to work on my fitness. To manage PCOS, I have to exercise. I just HAVE TO.

So George and I joined the gym closest to our house. Lifestyle Family Fitness. I signed up for 3 sessions a week with a personal trainer. Yes, it's expensive, but right now, it's one of the most important things in my life. Included in my gym membership are daily classes of all types, including yoga, body pump, step classes, and my personal new favorite - ZUMBA!

I've heard people talking about it for a long time, and I even bought the DVD workout set, but I didn't fall in love with Zumba until I started going to the classes at my gym. OMG, it's so much fun!! Yes, I'm the overweight girl trying desperately to get my hips to move right, but I don't care. Everyone there is so accepting and fun. Right now, I'm going twice a week, Wed. and Fri. mornings. It's an hour long class, and on average, I'm burning at least 500 calories that hour! Combined with the 30 minute personal training right before, I'm burning probably close to 800 calories three times a week. (I go to beginner yoga on Mondays after training.) I would like to step it up and go to a few more of the weekly Zumba classes. There's one on Saturdays I might start trying and one on Tuesday afternoons. It's fun and it's fitness. Who knew?

Exercise is key for me right now. It's helping me manage my stress. It's helping me manage my PCOS. And it's giving me energy to get through my week with a smile on my face. I don't know how my exercise routine will be affected once the injections begin. From what I've heard, most people have to stop doing anything that really raises your heartrate while on the meds, so we'll see. Obviously, after the embryo transfer, I'll be on bedrest and wanting to take it easy for a week or so. But for now, full steam ahead. Zumba, personal training and walking in the evenings. I'm feeling really good about these changes, and I really feel like I'm going to stick with it this time.

Now, if I could just get my nutrition under control...

Frustration About Diet and Exercise

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is extremely frustrating. My hubby hates for me to use that word, ha. Probably because I use it too often. But this time I honestly mean it. PCOS sucks.

I was diagnosed in 1997, but there were no doctors in my life who could tell me what I needed to do to help the symptoms. I wasn't able to take Birth Control pills, which was their standard treatment back then. I just gained weight, kept getting more dark hair on my face, chest and arms. The symptoms got worse and I never knew there was a way to make changes. I didn't seek ways either. Not really. I just tried to ignore it. I don't know that I expected it to go away, but I felt that if I ignored it, it was somehow less real. It was tough, though, because everytime I looked in the mirror, I saw a dark shadow of hair under my chin. It was heartbreaking on a daily basis.

Now, I've gotten the hair under control through laser hair removal, and while that is a great step forward, there are so many other symptoms that are not getting better. I still weigh 180 lbs. I have acne issues at age 34. We're having fertility issues. I'm always feeling tired. It sucks so hardcore!!

Dealing with fertility issues has pushed PCOS to the surface for me. I can't ignore it anymore. Not if I want a baby. And I do. So badly! Reading through different books and websites and talking to other women who have PCOS and are TTC, I think the solution is pretty clear. A strict diet of wholesome foods. Fresh fruit. No breads or pasta unless they are packed with fiber and whole grains. No fried foods. No sugars. No soda. Lots of protein combined with a complex carbohydrate. Basically, for me that means a complete and total overhaul of what I have been eating for the past 34 years of my life.

Then, on top of the major food changes, I know I also have to start exercising. It's such a hard thing for me. I don't enjoy exercise. I hate feeling sweaty and I'm so out of shape, exercising makes me so incredibly tired. I know what I must sound like saying this, too, but I want to be honest with myself and with anyone reading this who might be going through the same thing. I read online forums and people with PCOS say things like "I eat a carrot and gain weight." Maybe that's true for them, but I think for the most part, if you're eating the right foods and exercising, you'll find success. It's not impossible. But for me, the eating right and exercising feels like punishment. It feels like torture.

Some of the women I've been talking to online about TTC are so supportive, but at the same time, so many of them seem to have everything together. They exercise 5 times a week and are fit and thin. They eat right and are taking herbs and feeling good. They are in such a better place for carrying a healthy pregnancy to term. And they don't even have PCOS! I'm so scared I'm going to be the last one in the group to get pregnant - or that I'll never be able to have a successful pregnancy.

I just turned 34 this past weekend, and I realize more and more that I'm on a serious time crunch here. I don't have a lot of time to have a healthy pregnancy. Also, the more treatments we go through, the more expensive things are going to get. We can't afford IVF. Please, God, don't let it come to that! It's so terrifying. In a perfect world, I would have gotten my body in shape years ago and getting pregnant now wouldn't be difficult. But now I'm already in the middle of treatments. I'm already on cycle 3 of Clomid. I only have 3 more months of chances with this particular drug. I'm so scared I am wasting this fertility treatment. What if my eating habits and lack of exercise are going to keep me from getting pregnant no matter what fertility drugs I try?

I know there are tons of women who would read this and think, just eat right and exercise! What's the big deal?! Have some willpower, girl! And that's the way I talk to myself too. But the truth is that making such a huge change in my life isn't easy. Sure, I could do it for a week maybe, but then the hard work becomes a daily thing and I start to fall apart. I know I can make some small changes and try to change my life, but there's this time factor at work here as well. I don't have three years to slowly make all these changes. I need the changes now so that I can have a healthy pregnancy.

This has been a serious rant, I know, and much longer than I intended. But these are my fears. I'm so scared I won't be able to get pregnant for years because of these changes I have never made in my life. I can't turn back the clock. All I can do is try to make some changes in the months ahead and pray that it's enough to allow my body to carry a pregnancy.