Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Lately, I have been feeling so incredibly grateful. It is truly a miracle that I am pregnant right now without having to go through our planned IVF cycle. It's honestly been hard to wrap my mind around this whole thing. I spent months preparing for IVF, reading every book and website I could get my hands on, asking a million questions, and doing my best to mentally become prepared for the rollercoaster of daily shots and everything that goes along with it. But then, to find out two days before shots were to begin that I am pregnant? It was like having my entire world flipped upside down, but in the most beautiful way imaginable.

In some ways, however, it's difficult to really believe this is real. I am so scared to really settle into it, you know? It was given to me at a time when I least expected it, and I guess there's a part of me that is scared that it can be taken away just as quickly.

I'm not saying that I'm not grateful or extremely happy. I am!! Believe me!! It's just still seeming so very surreal, you know? And I also have been questioning why something like this happens? Why would I get pregnant right before IVF when so many other women struggle through several rounds with nothing but heartache? Why can't every woman who wants to get pregnant get pregnant? It just doesn't seem fair and the whole process of TTC is such a whirlwind.

Of course, some of my friends actually said to me, "See? All you needed to do was relax and now you're pregnant! You probably just knew IVF was coming up and were relaxed knowing everything was going to be okay." Ha! I just smiled and nodded, but honestly? Anyone who has read my blog or knows what I've been going through over the past couple of months knows that I was anything but relaxed. I don't feel that it had anything to do with how relaxed I was or any of that. I think it had more to do with the fact that this was just my journey. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and everything has fallen into place. I have no idea why, but I do know that I am extremely blessed.

Still, I sometimes read through the blogs of friends who are still going through their IVF journey and I almost feel guilty. I know that sounds crazy, in some ways. But it's just me being honest. I feel guilty when I read about someone else's heartaches. Why? I ask this question all the time. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What can I do to make sure I don't lose it? I know these are all questions that have no answers, but it doesn't keep my brain from spinning.

My prayer that goes up right now is for all women who want to be pregnant and want to be mothers will be blessed with a healthy pregnancy. Sooner rather than later.


  1. I hate it that you feel guilty, because you are in such a good place right now! Try to cherish your moments and know that there might be a few ladies out there that are hurting and may be jealous, but I have to believe that the overwhelming feeling is that we are so very excited for you and can't wait to lend support on this journey. Hang in there girl, I am so so so excited for you :)

  2. Please don't feel guilty!!! As a woman who is still here trying for my miracle, I can say first hand that I am elated for you!! It just confirms that miracles DO happen and it gives me hope! Yes, I would LOVE for something like that to happen to me too, but that's not the plan for me! I will keep on fighting, and will continue to remain happy for you! I'm excited to follow you through your pregnancy and wish you the very best!

  3. Sarra,

    Even as someone who is hurting, I am still happy for you.

    I understand the feelings of guilt, I felt them when my cycle was going so well, and others were strugglng.

    You are an incredibly nice person, one of the nicest I've met online, and you feel empathy. That is such a lovely thing, and you will make an wonderful mother.

    You had your own difficult journey and you deserve to enjoy your pregnancy.


  4. I think it's completely normal, I hate thinking that my good news might be the bad catalyst in someone elses day. I think it's also hard to believe that the IF journey could possibly be over after such a long time :)

    *Hugs* you are an amazing person!

  5. Don't feel guilty. It is part of the PCOS package. You might not ovulate for years and go through rounds and rounds of IVF, and then get pregnant on your own. Because having PCOS doesn't mean you are always infertile, and some women with PCOS have more problems than others. So...you got lucky this time, but it may take you rounds of Clomid or IVF to have a sibling...or not. :) I wish that everyone could have this kind of good fortune too, but you shouldn't feel bad because you're the lucky one. I for one feel incredibly happy when anybody is able to give the IVF roller coaster a pass :)

  6. Sarra I think you said it best when you said "this was just my journey. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and everything has fallen into place. I have no idea why, but I do know that I am extremely blessed."

    This IS your journey and you shouldn't feel guilty at all. I'm truly truly happy that things worked out for you. My post today is about "Truth about Trying". Its a compilation of videos from everyday women and celebrities who have struggled with IF and IVF. One of the videos is from Padma Lakshmi (Top Chef Host) who talks about suffering with Endo and being told she would need IVF and just before she started she got pregnant on her own.

    Embrace this journey, it was meant to be this way. I am happy for you and happy to follow along as your journey unfolds. I love your kind heart and just the fact that you feel guilty shows what a truly genuine and sweet person you are to care about others so much.

  7. I am so happy you are pregnant right now, and that it happened the way it happened. I understand about feeling guilty...I feel guilty that I am pregnant and so many people are not. But I don't know, for me I try not to compare. There are always people who have had it harder than you, but there are an awful lot who have had it easier too. You have been through plenty of heartache and you absolutely deserve this!