A New Cycle

AF arrived last night in full force. I barely slept at all. Terrible cramps - possibly the worst in my whole life. Is this a side effect from the Clomid? I'm not sure, but it hurts like hell. All day today, I have suffered from waves of nausea, headaches, cramps, backache, and dizziness. My skin feels tingly and my hands keep shaking. Very strange for a period, but I'm guessing it's a result of what my body has been through this cycle. All the new meds and the stress.

Now, on to a new cycle. I still have to go pick up my next round of Clomid from the pharmacy. I called the nurse this morning and she said that since I had success with CD1-5 Clomid last month, we'll try that again. I go in for my CD11 Ultrasound on January 2nd, which is a Sunday - and on a holiday weekend. I thought for sure they wouldn't actually be there, but she said they are dedicated to catching the ovaries when they are ready, regardless of the day. It makes me feel like I'm in good, caring hands. Hopefully there will be another one or two mature follicles this time around. Some people on the forums at baby center have mentioned having success one month with clomid, then not having mature follicles the next, like it just stopped working. Please, God, don't let that happen to me. I want to at least have the chance for the cycle to be a success.

It's so awful to have AF arrive when I was hoping for a pregnancy. Then, to feel like this on top of it is like adding insult to injury. It feels like being punished for not getting pregnant. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's the way it feels. I am trying to stay positive and be hopeful for this next cycle. As far as TTC goes, we are still in the early stages. It's definitely not panic time or anything. I am hoping for a healthy cycle this month. And I'm also hoping this icky feeling from today is almost over!

13DPO - BFN

Whew, having to wait two weeks to take a home pregnancy test is torture! TTC is such an emotional time. So many questions running through my head all the time like How long is it going to take? Will I be able to make a healthy baby? Will I be able to get pregnant? Will I ever have to go through a miscarriage? How will I handle that? Am I pregnant right now? It's crazy.

As I wrote earlier, I had a mature follicle on CD11 according to the ultrasound. The nurse gave me an HCG trigger shot. DH and I went home and baby danced on CD11, 12, 13, 14, and once again on CD15 for good measure. :) It was definitely fun to be with him so many nights in a row. I had a positive OPK on CD11 and 12. I have also been charting my temperature on Fertility Friend. According to my temps, I ovulated on CD12, which puts me at 13 days past ovulation today and 14 days past my trigger shot. It's completely possible that it's still too early to get a positive test, but I want to catch a pregnancy as early as possible in order to help prevent miscarriage.

Anyway, DH and I went to Dollar Tree a couple of days ago and bought 6 tests. I can't believe they are only a dollar! I figure if I get a positive on one of the cheapies, then I'll call the doctor and have it confirmed with a blood test (thank you $10 insurance copay, lol). This morning, I took my first pregnancy test. I sat down on the toilet and just stared at the test for at least five minutes, praying for even a tiny wisp of a line to show up. No line :( Big Fat Negative for me today. I have to admit, I even went back this afternoon and checked the test again. I know it says results aren't valid after 10 minutes, but I just had to look again. See what TTC does to me? Makes me crazy!

My husband isn't upset at all by the negative test. He says we haven't been trying long (and he's right) and that we'll just keep trying. No rush. Sounds simple, right? So why do I feel so damn depressed today? I've known all my adult life that making a baby was going to be tougher for me than a lot of other women. But there was a part of me that was hoping with the Clomid and the Glumetza and the charting and everything it might just happen on our first month with meds. I know I'm not out until Aunt Flow (AF) arrives, but I'm definitely cramping a lot today and feeling irritable - PMS. Just 4 days till Christmas and I really am not looking forward to cramps and a period for the holidays.

Feeling down today, but I'm trying to pull myself together and realize that it's still early and we're barely into the process yet. Even if it takes a couple of months, we still might have a baby by next year at Christmas! I won't give up hope. My plan at this point is to just keep testing every other day until my period arrives or I get a positive test. I'll write more when I know more.

Cycle Day 11 Ultrasound - Mature Follicle!

Today we had good news! Our first round of Clomid did its job. We went in this morning to have an ultrasound done to check for follicles. My left ovary was nothing special, only small follicles (11 I think on one was the biggest). But on the right side, there was one really nice mature follicle that measured around 21 mm! She said that anything over a 20 was great, then suggested we go ahead with an HCG trigger shot. We had to run to the Walmart across the street and pick up the shot (not covered my insurance which is crazy since we're supposed to have a $22,000 fertility benefit), which cost $115. After we got the shot, we went back to the nurse and she mixed it and administered it into my left hip. It didn't hurt at all, but she warned me that I might experience some extra ovulation cramping in the next few days.

With the shot, I should ovulate within 12-36 hours! DH and I were planning to do an IUI this cycle, but after discussing it, we'd rather try naturally a few months with timed intercourse. There's just something beautiful about conceiving a child during the act of making love. I think we'd both be more willing to do the IUI if it turns out regular sex isn't doing the job, but we'll give it three or four cycles. I'm glad we came to this decision, and I'm looking forward to some intimate time over the next few days! I told him to be ready to go when he gets home tonight, haha.

So far, everything has gone just like clockwork. For most of my adult life, I have anticipated pregnancy being a tough road, so in a way, I keep expecting a more serious complication. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy there haven't been any, but what I mean is that I feel like I'm waiting for the bad news to come. I can only pray it never does.

The Clomid was surprisingly side-effect free. I took it from CD1-5 and the only thing I experienced was some extra sleepiness. The Glumetza (Metformin) has been the most difficult part by far. It's been very hard to find food that I can eat without having to run to the bathroom every five minutes or feel like I'm sick all day. The nurse said that after another week or so, I should be well enough adjusted that I won't get that sick feeling as much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!