10 week Update - A little late... oops!

Hi everyone! I know I'm late with my 10 week update. And I do keep meaning to blog more frequently. Unfortunately, I'm having one hell of a time with morning sickness and just generally not feeling well - which in turn makes it not so fun to be on the computer or sitting up in general :P. LOL. Yes, I think I'm a wimp when it comes to pregnancy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy. Just tired of feeling like crap all the time. At least I know it's for a good cause, haha. The best cause really. But at this point, I am definitely praying for a second trimester respite.

How Far Along - 10 weeks!!

Picture of Baby - Not exactly a picture this week, but something pretty cool anyway. I bought a fetal doppler and we were able to find the baby's heartbeat!!! We shot a quick video of the very first time we heard the baby's heartbeat. The video is awful because I had to use a free converter that put all these words on the screen, but it's really the audio that counts, so I'm going to post it here.

I am trying not to use the doppler all the time, but it's definitely tempting. The heartbeat is such a beautiful sound!!!

My Baby This Week -

Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

Weight Gain - 4 lbs total now. My waist is definitely starting to get bigger! And yes, my boobs are much bigger too!

Sleep - I think my sleep is getting better in general. Less of the super vivid dreams, though I did have another nightmare about my ex husband last night. WTF is that all about? I would rather not be thinking of him at all, but somehow my psyche is bringing him into my nightmares. No bueno.

Best Moment of the Week - Definitely hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time.

Symptoms - The nausea never lets up. Actually, I did have a couple of good days here and there, but nothing great. And I only have 2 of the original 20 zofran left and I am saving them for Thanksgiving, just in case. That's the worst of the worst as far as symptoms.

Food Cravings - I have definitely had a craving for cupcakes this past week. Strange, huh? I even have dreams about them, LOL. But I haven't given into temptation yet. I know my body doesn't need that extra sugar!

What I Miss - Feeling good.

What I'm Looking Forward To - A more energetic, less nauseated second trimester. Please?

Milestones - Hearing the baby's heartbeat, for sure!

Emotions - I am always grateful and extremely happy to be pregnant. However, this past week, the constancy of the nausea is really bringing me down. It just feels so relentless. I've never felt this bad for so long in my life, and it's turning out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. Inevitably, this has an effect on my mood and my general emotional self. Hoping to just push through it. I remind myself daily of how blessed I am and that my body is doing some seriously hard work right now growing our little miracle.

An Active Baby (9 week Update)

I can't believe how fast time is moving. I am being bad about keeping up with the updates, which I swore I wouldn't do once I got pregnant, but oh well, I'm doing the best I can right now and hope to update more often as time goes by! We had our second ultrasound scheduled for this afternoon, which is why I am posting late, and it was AMAZING! The baby has grown so much in just two weeks. It actually looks like a baby now! (see pictures below). And what was even cooler is that he/she was moving around the entire time. It was the neatest thing to see the little arms and legs moving all around. Even the doctor was laughing and saying it was one of the most active babies he's seen. Maybe we have a future gymnast on our hands, hehe. I am so in love with this baby already.

Oh and guess what?? Today, the fertility clinic doctor officially released me as a patient!!! Yes, that's right friends, I am actually going to be a "normal" pregnant woman from here on out. I can't wait to make my first appointment! Tomorrow, I go to a meet and greet with the midwives of the practice I intend to use. I really hope I get a good vibe from them and feel super comfy. This is a sister practice of the fertility clinic and is in the same building, just one floor up. The other great thing is that my fertility doctor is also the on-call OB for them once a week, so he feels completely comfortable with the practice and has had nothing but good things to say - and if needed, it's possible he would be there to see us through an emergency situation. Hopefully, though, we won't need an OB and will happily deliver naturally with a midwife, but that is a post for a different day. Now for the weekly update!

How Far Along - 9 weeks


Pictures of baby (my favorite part) -

 

(you can see how much the baby moved already just from one pic to the next!)

My Baby This Week - Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain. (from www.babycenter.com)

Weight Gain - 3 lbs at this point. I'm definitely feeling like my belly is pooching out a bit more. I don't have a good picture to upload this week, but maybe next week! I think I'm definitely starting to show already, though, and man, my clothes don't fit! I'm living in yoga pants, haha.

Sleep - Non-stop dreams. And not all of them are pleasant, unfortunately. Ugh. I don't ever feel like I'm getting a full night's sleep, but I know it's all part of the deal of being pregnant. I'm hoping the dreams begin to subside at least a little bit once I move into the second trimester.

Best Moment of the Week - Today's ultrasound for sure! I'm still smiling ear-to-ear hours later. I had read in one of my books that "you may be able to see your baby move on an ultrasound" and thought, wow, that would be cool. But nothing compared to actually seeing those little tiny arms and legs moving around. Best moment of the week? Heck, one of the best of my life!

Symptoms - I would say my symptoms are starting to fade a little bit. My breasts are barely sore at all anymore and I'm happy to say that I have had several days without any nausea. I was concerned about why the symptoms were fading, but after seeing our very active baby, I know everything is okay so there's no reason to worry! I still have some nausea days, like today, but it's good to know I'm having some good days too.

Food Cravings - I don't know if it's a craving exactly, but I've found that tart apples like Granny Smith or Golden Delicious are really good for curbing my nausea, so I've been eating a lot of organic apples lately! Yum!

What I Miss - Restful sleep.

What I'm Looking Forward To - Moving on to a regular midwife/OB practice and getting to ask all the questions. Also, I'm dying to know if we're having a boy or a girl!!

Weekly Wisdom - Staying positive is one of the most important tools a woman can have during early pregnancy. When I work on keeping my outlook and attitude positive, I feel better overall, have less stress, and am happier. If something were to go wrong, I'd rather deal with it at the time than spend all my days worried. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but something I try to remind myself of constantly.

Milestones - Graduating from the fertility clinic! Yay!!

Emotions - So happy my cheeks hurt from smiling!!

Fading Symptoms?

Tomorrow I will be 9 weeks pregnant already! Time is starting to fly by for sure! For the past few weeks, I've been struggling with some major nausea and fatigue, but today, I actually woke up feeling pretty normal.

*Begin obsessive behavior*

It's so crazy. I've been going crazy with these symptoms, hating the nausea and just begging to feel better. Then when I wake up feeling better, I start to obsess and worry that something has gone wrong. /sigh. My boobs have been crazy sore for weeks, but suddenly the past few days, I don't notice them as much. They are definitely not as sore as they have been, but if I push on them or hug myself tight, I can still feel a little tenderness.

Am I insane for analyzing my symptoms? I figured most people usually start to see their symptoms fade after the first trimester, but I'm still weeks away from the second trimester. Is it normal for some women to start to see their worst symptoms fade already at 9 weeks pregnant?

Of course, I realize that I could just be having a rare good day, lol. It's totally possible that I will wake up tomorrow feeling like poop all over again. I guess I should take this as a present and just enjoy feeling great for a while. I will feel incredibly lucky and blessed if my symptoms are fading but the baby is totally healthy. Win-win.

Monday we will get to see the sweet Baby Bittmann again on an ultrasound. Our appointment is at 3:30 in the afternoon, and I absolutely can't wait. Hopefully the fading symptoms don't mean anything is wrong! I'm going to just stay positive and pray that all is well. In the meantime, if any of you starting feeling some fading symptoms around 9 weeks or so, let me know so I can stop obsessing so much!

Overwhelmed

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed at this stage! I'm looking toward the next seven or so months and realizing that there is so much that needs to get done. I have found myself just standing there in the doorway to the future nursery, staring at the mess that needs to be tamed into a real baby's room. For years, that room has been my catch-all room. It's my closet (because the one in the master bedroom is super tiny), my crafting/sewing room, a storage room, you name it. I've actually already cleaned a lot of it out, but there's still just so much stuff. To be honest, I have no idea where most of it is going to go.

I have donated a bunch of my crafting supplies to a local school in need. I let some friends come and look through a lot of the stuff that was left, which got rid of some more of it. Then, I actually donated about 3 trashbags full of clothes to the local mission. And that's really just the beginning of it all.

I know I need to just take it one step at a time. I wish the nursery was the only thing that needed work around here. It seems like there's something to do in every single room. Not to mention the fact that we really need new carpet throughout the entire house. I want to do everything I can to make this house perfect for the baby. And the ironic thing is that a tiny baby will have no idea if the house is a mess or not, lol. It's just something I want for the baby to have. Maybe that's insane.

My big hope is that once the first trimester is over, I will get some of my energy back and can finally start to tackle some of these big jobs I have on my list. When I'm feeling tired and nauseated, the last thing I wanted to do is clean the house or work on organizing. Honestly, I'm ashamed to admit that all I really feel like doing these days is sitting in front of the TV and vegging out. Is that terrible? It's almost like a weird melancholy that comes over me. It's almost a restlessness. There's so much I want to do, but I feel helpless to do any of it. It's definitely a strange feeling, and I really hope it passes soon.

On a totally happy note, though, I am actually almost 8 1/2 weeks already! Time is definitely moving right along. Next Monday, I have my second ultrasound. I really hope we get to hear the heartbeat this time! I am also really hoping that the fertility clinic graduates me to a regular OB practice after this appointment. I'm still not completely sure which practice I'm going to go with, but I'm ready to get settled with my doctor and midwives and move into a 'normal' pregnancy. Exciting!!

8 weeks! Man, time flies!

I can't believe it's already been more than a week since my last post. I don't know where the time has gone. I think once I got to see our baby's heartbeat and some of that worry melted away, time just started slipping by. I promise to be better at updating!

How Far Along - 8 Weeks!!

My Baby This Week - New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it. (From www.babycenter.com)

Weight Gain - 3 lbs. Ouch! I can't believe I'm already gaining weight. I'm eating way too much to try to keep the nausea at bay.

Sleep - Dreams are the story of my life. Well, that and getting up to pee. My sleep is riddled with crazy vivid dreams, then I wake up, have to get up to pee, then I go back to sleep and start dreaming all over again. It's wild! I never wake up feeling like I got a really good night's sleep.

Best Moment Of The Week - Buying my first maternity clothes! I guess this could also be labeled as the most depressing moment of the week, haha, but I'm trying to look at it in a positive light. Yes, I'm only 8 weeks along, but my normal jeans feel so tight on my belly. I bought a few bella bands, but then I feel like my pants are falling down all day. So I went to Old Navy and bought some new maternity leggings (super comfy and cheap) and a pair of their maternity jeans. The low rise ones, because I figured the full panel belly would be too big for me right now. It was actually fun to be looking through the maternity clothes. I've been waiting for this for a long time! Besides, I figure I'd rather be comfortable than worry about whether or not it's too early for maternity.

Movement - From what I've read, the baby is probably moving around quite a bit in there, but I still can't feel it yet. Can't wait until I do, but I know that's still a while yet!

Symptoms - My breasts are decidedly bigger, but they are hurting less than they were in the beginning. I am still fighting against constant fatigue and awful nausea, but the zofran helps. They only gave me 20 pills in my prescription, so I've only been taking them when I absolutely know I'm going to throw up, lol.

Food Cravings - I'm still in a phase where nothing really sounds good to me most of the time. I used to love doughnuts and sweets, but right now, the thought of eating some cake or a doughnut or something turns my stomach. Guess that's a blessing, really, considering I've already started gaining weight. Man, if I was craving sweets, I'd be in serious trouble!

What I Miss - Being able to sleep all the way through the night without getting up.

What I'm Looking Forward To - Getting to see the baby again on an ultrasound next week. Hope we get to hear the heartbeat this time!

Emotions - Feeling so happy and so incredibly grateful. I have a peace now about this baby, feeling that it was just meant to be and everything is going to be okay.

Seven Weeks (and a heartbeat!!)

Hi everyone! This is going to be a big update because we got big news this weekend! The story starts out scary, just like a Halloween tale should. Friday afternoon around 5, I got up from my desk to use the bathroom and when I wiped, there was lots of red blood. My heart nearly stopped and I immediately felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm sorry if this is too graphic, but when I wiped again, there were several dark red blood clots. I was terrified. I have read many stories of that being the start of a miscarriage, and I just prayed and prayed nothing was wrong with the baby.

I called my nurse right away, but since it was after 5, I got the answering service and had to wait for them to call back. Because I said I was pregnant, the service gave my call to the OBGYN instead of the fertility clinic, so I had to explain myself again and wait for the fertility clinic nurse to call. It was torture. My husband lay there in bed with me as I cried and tried to get myself together. Finally, my favorite nurse called around 6:15 and said she wanted me to come in for an ultrasound on Saturday morning. She told me to take it easy and just stay on bedrest and that if the bleeding got worse to head to the ER. I dread going to the ER to wait, so I was determined to wait it out.

I barely slept at all on Friday night. George and I got up on Saturday morning and went straight to the clinic. They did bloodwork and then finally, after more than an hour in the waiting room, we were called in to the ultrasound room. When the doctor walked in, I felt so incredibly vulnerable. Naked, of course, from the waist down and just knowing that the next few minutes would either be full of great joy or great sadness. I held my breath as he inserted the ultrasound wand and George clutched my hand tight. "Everything looks good." When the words came out of the doctor's mouth, I began to cry tears of joy.

He turned the screen toward us and let us see our little baby for the first time. It just looked like a strange blob on the screen, but it was beautiful!! I asked if he could see a heartbeat and he said yes, then pointed out a fluttering little pulse on the screen. Wow!!! What an awesome sight! I totally fell in love in that moment and was so grateful that everything was okay. We got a cute little printout of our little Baby Bittmann and I couldn't be more excited! Now, we're scheduled for a second ultrasound for 9 weeks (November 14th). The doctor said the bleeding was just my body's way of saying I need to take it easy. He said he didn't see any reason for us to worry, which was very sweet news.

So, after that LONG update, here's my weekly update:

How Far Along: 7 weeks

Picture of Baby:

My Baby This Week: The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry. (Taken from BabyCenter)


 Weight Gain: Ugh. Another pound added on this week. I guess I am eating too much and not getting enough exercise, but I don't want to overdo it now especially that the doctor said to take it easy. I guess I'm just going to have to let the weight gain not bother me for now! Total gain is now 2 pounds.

Baby Bump: You can actually see the beginning of a baby bump! It's definitely not enough to look noticeably pregnant yet, but it's enough for me to see. I can't wait for my tummy to pop out a little more and for people to actually recognize me as being pregnant.

And yes, I know. I really need to find a cuter place to take my bump pictures, lol. Please ignore the mess on the window seat!

Sleep: Still not sleeping very well. I tried Unisom a couple of nights and slept so great, but after the bleeding, I'm scared to take or do anything. I'm sure the unisom had nothing to do with it, but why take any risks at this point? I'm trying to take several naps during the day to make up for the poor sleep at night.

Best Moment of the Week: By far seeing the heartbeat on the screen!!!

Symptoms: Same as last week. Achy, nauseated, sore breasts, peeing a lot, etc. Eating has been weird this week. It's like I'm hungry all the time, but when I eat I can never really feel satisfied. Nothing sounds good to me, not even pizza, which is saying something! I know I need to eat for the baby's health, but it's almost tedious to eat these days because I never feel good.

Food Cravings: I guess what's weirder than any cravings is the fact that the food I normally crave (ie. Pizza) is not as appetizing to me. Literally nothing sounds good. Ever. I wish I would suddenly start craving some super healthy nutritious foods like carrots and grilled chicken. :)

What I Miss: Feeling not sick.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Getting my energy back. I've heard the second trimester can be really enjoyable once the general sick feelings go away, and at this point, I'm really looking forward to that!

Weekly Wisdom: Always have faith that things are going to work out exactly the way they are supposed to. I spend too much of my life worrying over things that are out of my control.

Milestones: First ultrasound!! Seeing the baby's heartbeat and knowing we are that much closer to being out of the danger zone.

Emotions: I've been all over the place this week. Tonight, I actually cried during Practical Magic. That's really not a sad movie, but it touched me and I sobbed. What can I say? I'm a huge pile of hormones right now!

Motivation

All along, I knew October was going to be a slow production month. After all, I'd planned on this being my IVF month. I thought I would be feeling ill and bloated and scared and nervous and completely not creative. Well, the truth is that even though I'm pregnant, I'm still feeling ill and bloated and scared and nervous, lol. For some reason, when I found out I was expecting, I thought I would suddenly have all this renewed energy and be able to be creative and work hard. Boy was I wrong!

I always imagined that after such a long struggle to get pregnant, once the news finally came in, I would be so happy that none of the morning sickness or fatigue would phase me. Haha. I guess reality is often very different from what we think it's going to be. I never expected how much this constant tiredness or unyielding nausea would knock me on my ass. Yet here I am, struggling.

Don't get me wrong! I'm enormously happy, and that alone gives me energy. However, these days I'm spending my energy in a not-so-productive way. I know that what I need to be doing right now is working hard. This is one of the drawbacks of working for yourself, lol. I have complete control over how I spend my day. No one is making me work any certain hours. No one is expecting me to turn in any work. It's all up to me. And when I'm not feeling extremely well, it's hard to work up the motivation to work on a new novel.

Of course, no new novels means no new money, haha. And right now, there's so many things I want to buy! There's all the baby stuff, nursery decor, clothes, etc. Then there's new carpet for the house, which I desperately want. And even though it's nowhere near a necessity, I would love to have a new car. Something with more room. I know money isn't the most important thing in life, but it would definitely mean less stress when the baby arrives.

I happen to be in the lucky position that I can make extra money by writing more books. So why can't I write? AHHHH. Trust me, I'm trying. Unfortunately, my focus has gone all wonky. When I have time and energy, I always end up browsing baby or maternity shopping sites, reading about labor and delivery or breastfeeding, looking at different nursery options, etc. I know all that stuff is normal and that it's okay to be daydreaming and browsing these sites. However, it doesn't need to be happening at the sacrifice of my writing and career.

So how do I get back into it? How do I find my motivation again for writing when all I can think about is babies?! Hehe. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions? Or is it just a matter of time? I keep wondering if I'm just slightly paralyzed mentally until I pass this milestone of the first ultrasound. Once I see that heartbeat and know that everything is okay, will it unlock a door inside that allows me to go back to my regular life, in a way? Is any of this making sense? LOL. Mostly, I'm just rambling and thinking through this, I guess. :P. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a more productive day.